How To Develop A Girl Crush (And Maintain Your Passion Eternally)

1. Comprehend the concept. Per Urban Dictionary’s definition, a girl crush an overwhelming sense of awe felt by a girl for another girl elicited by varying causes ranging from deep respect to vague admiration; May result in the any or all of the following: general euphoria, prolonged sense of inspiration, desire for intellectual-intercourse with crush, feelings of admiration and adoration, without wanting to shag said girl; a nonsexual attraction, usually based on veneration at some level. To relate this to a more familiar strain of thought, a girl crush is similar to idolization of a celebrity due to their possession of enviable qualities. However, girl crushes involve more intimate idols, and a more passionate perseverance of that person. Simply put, the girl you fall for represents your ideal self, and your pursuit of her parallels your quest to become the best person you can.

2. Find a base. One of the first obstacles that comes to mind when striving to find your perfect girl, is where to start looking. The best girl crushes, I have found, are typically distantly linked to your own reality — far enough away to maintain the mystery, but close enough to sustain hope of contact. (Example: I —> Nick Alvarez —> Grimsley High School —> Grimsley auditorium Artwork —> WPA —> Franklin Delano Roosevelt. In this scenario, I am five degrees from FDR. Therefore, if FDR was my girl crush, which he is not, you could observe the thought process.) Also, check coffee houses and Brown University.

3. Start your shadowing. The next step proves your dedication as you actively engage yourself in becoming knowledgeable about your subject. Employ a meticulous inventory of their away messages, Myspace comments, Facebook pictures, Flickr accounts, and web logs in order to grasp any taste of their activities. Over time, penetration into their personal lives through impersonal outlets will become less and less difficult. A caution I feel fit to warn the reader about at this stage is the reaction of those around you. Obsession with someone you become so intimately connected to is inevitable. As one who has risen up from the ashes of a fallen girl crush (See Point Six), I find myself able to soberly reflect on the nuances characterizing this singular love. The line between “stalking” and “observing” is blurred beyond distinction. Friends you know in the flesh may shy away from embracing your new infatuation, horror-struck when they see the mannerisms and diction of your girl crush begin to permeate your own. They will gaze at you in awed confusion when they happen upon your slyly named “G.C.” folder, laden with 312 photos of your love interest. You find yourself faced with terrified eyes when they flip your phone open to reveal an eerily familiar wall paper. Like any unconventional relationship, not everyone will understand. Few will, in fact. Before delving into the infatuation present in every girl crush, make sure that the consequent alienation does not outweigh the perks of love.

4. Make the metamorphosis. Transform outwardly to reflect your inward revelation. Mimic their hairstyles, make-up, and their wardrobe. Accrue similar hobbies, marked by similar trinkets. Glean friends that complement the new you, and frequent areas congruent to those your girl crush would find enticing. Though the likes and desires of your subject may be accepted by the old you resistantly initially, you will grow to embrace them soon enough.

5. Commence the connection. Dreams of contact dance on your eyelids. The thought of an actual encounter makes you tremble with anticipation. Meeting your girl crush will, at some point into the relationship, begin to consume your mind. The odds of facing the object of your desire are incalculable, but mesmerizing. Hold to hope with your fingernails.

6. Descend the abyss. The unexplored frontier of girl crushes is the termination of such a vehement relationship. It happens differently for everyone, and for some it never will. Like a first love, anything from distance to preoccupation to shifting priorities can annihilate the relationship. The cold void left is unavoidable when something so time-consuming, that you poured so much of your soul into, is wrenched away. The benefit of the human mind’s sieve is that, over time, new interest can fill up the gaping hole and leave but a dull ache in the wake. Bird-watching, sports, textual endeavors, academia, searching for rare and retired food items, and stretching are all recommendable replacements. Of course, for most avid crushers, not too long will pass before you find yourself interested in another, and starting your research anew.